Moral issues hindering marriage

Historically, priests often accepted abbreviated preparation for couples who had had happy marriages and were now marrying after the death of a spouse.

Nov 06, 2015

Q: What are some of the moral/other issues pertaining to preparation for marriage? 

A: Death
Historically, priests often accepted abbreviated preparation for couples who had had happy marriages and were now marrying after the death of a spouse. That is no longer the case, although the form of marriage preparation should be adapted to the age and circumstances of the couple. Mentor couples can help the engaged discern where they are in the grief process and how they will deal with issues such as merged finances and obligations to children from the previous marriage.

Convalidation
Convalidation (sometimes referred to as validation) can be performed in instances in which a couple who was civilly married acknowledges that they are not in a valid marriage and seeks to regularize their union within the Church. A convalidation is not simply a renewal of the previous intention to marry but the creation of a valid marriage in the sight of the Christian community.

Children from a previous marriage
Even though children from a previous marriage do not become illegitimate after an annulment, this is usually reaffirmed in policies lest this fear be an obstacle to a person seeking an annulment (canon 1137). The primary concern is that the parent recognize his or her responsibility to support children from a previous relationship both financially and emotionally. Becoming an instant step-parent, whether custodial or non-custodial, also strains a new marriage; thus specialized marriage preparation is especially important. Thirty-seven dioceses note that they have a program specifically designed for second marriages.

4. MORAL ISSUES
(1. Cohabitation, 2. Choosing not to have children, 3. Abortion)

1. Cohabitation
All policies emphasize the delicate balance that the Church must strike on the issue of cohabitation. Policies urge the priest or deacon to be welcoming and to see this as an opportunity for evangelization; at the same time, he must uphold the Church’s teaching on the nature of the sexual commitment made in marriage.

Many policies quote John Paul II: “Pastors and the ecclesial community should take care to become acquainted with such situations and their actual causes, case by case. They should make tactful and respectful contact with the couples concerned and enlighten them patiently, correct them charitably and show them the witness of Christian family life in such a way as to smooth the path for them to regularize their situation” (Familiaris Consortio, #81).

Most policies suggest these steps for dealing with cohabiting couples:

Approach the couple with sensitivity and welcome.

Explore with them the reason that they are now approaching the Church for marriage (as with pregnancy, the risk of divorce is lessened if the decision to marry was made prior to the cohabitation)

Help the couple to understand the wisdom behind the Church’s teaching on sexual intimacy within the sacrament of marriage.

Encourage the couple to live separately and chastely before their marriage as a spiritual preparation for marriage (exceptions are made for those with children).

Below are core questions and responses given in Marriage Preparation and Cohabiting Couples.

(1) If a couple is cohabiting, can marriage be denied or delayed? Cohabitation and/or premarital sex are not canonical impediments to marriage. A couple may not be denied a wedding for these reasons alone, although additional time might be needed to address the issues raised by cohabitation, such as the impact of cohabitation on the couple’s freedom to marry and their understanding of the Church's teachings on marriage and sexuality. Absolute moral rectitude is not demanded for sacraments to be celebrated.

(2) Should cohabiting couples be encouraged to separate prior to the wedding? Yes, but the couple is not to be refused marriage if they fail to separate.

(3) Is a simple wedding ceremony most appropriate for cohabiting couples? Not necessarily. Canon law gives no special consideration for marriages of cohabiting couples but states that couples should have a “fruitful liturgical celebration of marriage” (c.1063).

Some policies cite these research findings:

(1) Serial cohabitation is more harmful than single instance cohabitation and (2) Those who have been cohabiting for at least a year before marrying are more likely to divorce than those who have been cohabiting for less than a year. Some policies include discussion questions to guide the pastoral minister in exploring this area with the couple.

--Continued next week

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