Dear Mr Prime Minister, you have failed me.

This is not a letter to tell you where you went wrong. You should already know that by now and if you don’t, many will gladly bring you up to speed.

But this is a letter to tell you what you have done to an ordinary Malaysian like me.

I voted against your government in the last elections but when you came into power, I allowed myself a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, I was wrong about you.

That, just maybe, this time, the perceived enemy would be an ally in disguise. That, just maybe, 1 Malaysia wouldn’t be the joke at which everyone laughed.

Change needs time and maybe, just maybe, that was what was necessary. So, against my better judgement, I let myself believe in possibilities.

Then racism reared its head and the moment of truth arrived in the form of cow-head protestors, BTN and the “Allah” issue.

You couldn’t have asked for more perfect opportunity to prove that you are more than just a string of clever words. It was your chance to leave a legacy by uniting the nation to stand up against the real enemies – ignorance and fear.

Instead you did nothing, and by doing that, you turned us against each other.

I’m sure you have your litany of reasons for acting the way you have but those reasons don’t interest me. All I know is that, when it really mattered, you made me feel like I didn’t.

When it came to delivering on your “People First” promise, you chose who those people would be.

When it came to “Performance Now”, you failed to see the sense of urgency.

You became everything you told us not to be. To me, you are nothing more than the wizard of Oz.

There was a time when I believed in this country. When I couldn’t imagine making a home anywhere else. When I was proud to hold a Malaysian passport. When I felt warmth each time I heard the pilot announce, “Welcome to Kuala Lumpur International Airport”. When I took pride in showing off my country to foreign friends who marvelled at how Malaysians lived so peacefully in diversity. Those days are gone.

So forget about how this will affect tourism and FDIs, and think instead about the damage it has done to an ordinary Malaysian like me.

You have made a mockery out of my trust, patriotism and faith. You have made me feel unwelcome in my own home. You have made me feel ashamed to be Malaysian.

My heart breaks at what you have done to my country. Then again, I’m not even sure if I can still call it my country anymore.

* Stephanie Sta Maria is a reader of The Malaysian Insider.