Children should be seen and heard…. and celebrated!

Dec 01, 2024

As I was contemplating - Fr Gerard Steve Theraviam

I have just come away from my parish children’s choir practice, having enjoyed a few minutes of their angelic singing which enthrals me at the Masses for children. They don’t always behave like angels but children will be children and I simply cannot impose my grown-up expectations on them, at least nowadays. I remember my own niece suddenly crying out, ‘Tilam lama, tilam lama’ in a silent period at Mass in imitation of a man on a lorry in their neighbourhood selling mattresses — a case of wrong song, wrong place. Yet, the same child would sing her heart out at the Alleluia — and I wonder how she felt at Lent when we didn’t sing it.

The old adage that ‘Children should be seen not heard’ simply goes against my sensitivities when I see Jesus in the Gospels insisting that the children be brought to Him for a blessing, something that went against the grain of His time when they were not considered as important. Even His own disciples tried keeping them away! He went on to say that the kingdom of heaven belonged to people like them!

Maybe children today have a harder time being quiet and still in church, coming from a generation that is used to electronic gadgets and media — they find it hard to concentrate for long periods sometimes. In my childhood, my parents kept my brother and I apart in between them to stop us from fighting, and a pinch from my mother would certainly set us right. Parents have a responsibility to see that their children do not disrupt others in prayer. Yet, I stand opposed to relegating children to so-called ‘cry-rooms’ (where there is more noise since they set each other off!), away from the community. I firmly believe that the cries of children at church are a good sign that the church will be alive in the next generation too. Yes, parents may have to take a particularly disruptive child out for a bit for some ‘time- out’ but I would be sorry if parents, embarrassed by their children, become permanently ‘out-standing’ Catholics. And surely, children with special needs like autism should find their place with us all.

Don’t get me wrong! I am all for discipline and order, but these come gradually. We were all kids once! Tell a child to be quiet and you may get a series of whys? I have found that when children have been exposed to special Masses for children (with the community) they begin to participate better at all Masses. Children love to sing and maybe we should consider them too in our hymn choices. Lyrics with over-heavy theology may be tough on them and even some adults too!

Having the Living the Sunday Word (LSW), where children are taken away for the readings and homily made suitable for them and then joining the community again at the Offertory may be of great help, even though it may not be possible at every Mass. I have found children’s missals, with the order of Mass with pictures, a great tool that can be used at home as well. Special celebrations after Mass on the Feast of Holy Innocents and other special days allow children to make happy memories of the church community and their place within it.

Having said all this, it is imperative that parents actually bring their children to Mass weekly. It pains me to see that some children come to catechism (where attendance is taken) but not for Mass. Straight after catechism, some of them are whisked away for ‘other activities’, and I wonder when the parents and family ever come to Mass. Some are very casual about skipping Masses in favour of trips and treats. On holy days of obligation, one realises that the parents have not made the point of bringing their children along, while many have also absented themselves.

Faith is caught, not taught — by the good example of their parents, whether at home or in church. You cannot tell your children to do what you don’t practise in your own life. The same for family prayer… No wonder many of these children fall away from the church right after Confirmation, maybe to re-emerge when it is time for a church wedding! They have gone through the motions, but we have failed to bring about a conversion to Jesus and His church.
Staying on catechism, I realise that we must make it a point to not just touch the minds or intellect of our children and youth. Too often, catechism classes are poorly prepared, with the emphasis on facts and figures without ensuring that the heart is also touched. Our youngsters have enough of textbook teaching in school — they need creative experiential teaching that touches them and allows them to question — for when they do indeed question, they are more likely to come eventually to an informed and tested faith, rather than a superficial faith that hasn’t been worked at through life experiences and prayer.

It is good to see churches also nowadays having special changing areas for babies and special spaces for nursing mothers. This encourages new mothers to bring their babies along rather than staying at home with them. Also, churches have seen the importance of safeguarding children in the wake of abuse cases around us. All this augurs well to welcome the presence of children in our community.

May we welcome our children with joy into our churches as they have their important role TODAY, and they will lead the Church in the future.

(Fr Gerard Theraviam is the parish priest of the Cathedral of St John the Evangelist in Kuala Lumpur, as well as the Spiritual Director to the World Community of Christian Meditation, Malaysia)