Don’t be in a hurry, God isn’t

May 24, 2024

A Blessed Life- Tianne Ramona Pereira

Mummy!! Yes, baby? Mummy!! Yes? Mummy!! What?? Mummy!! …….. This is one of the most recurrent conversations that take place at home between my two-year-old and I. And I do admit there are times I wish I could just press pause. Once an independent, out and about woman, I have come to realise now that nothing is really about me anymore, and I mean nothing! Hold your horses, I am not complaining, but I must admit I needed a reminder — and I got just that during the recent Mother’s Day celebrations, as messages were flying across. I was reminded of how for years I was on my knees begging God to let me be a mother. We struggled with pregnancy for a while. In fact, I call my son the community baby because I truly believe he is a result of the magnitude of prayers and petitions by our family, friends, our church family, priests, religious and just everyone we are so blessed to have in our lives.

You see, when my husband Philip and I got married, we were not a young couple. While we knew we wanted kids we were not really in a hurry. But as every newly-wed couple would have it, we were bombarded with the “when are you going to have a baby?” question which I must admit brought about the baby itch. We finally started trying to conceive but little did we know what lay ahead.

I remember the first time I got pregnant. I was over the moon. It was so hard to contain my joy. I immediately wrapped the test in a little brown box, filled it with little riddles to surprise my husband and recorded the whole emotional reveal. We were ecstatic and shared the good news with everyone near and dear to us. A few weeks in, we went for our monthly scan only for the doctor to inform us that our baby had not grown, but he assured us these things happen and asked us to come back again in a month. Every day I would talk to baby, I would sing songs and record in my baby journal prayers and feelings I had — I had fallen in love with this little being in me that I had not even seen. A month later, I remember the excitement I felt as I got ready for our check-up. Gloom made its first appearance when we were told we had a missed miscarriage — meaning the baby was no longer alive but my body did not recognise the pregnancy loss. Not too long after I got pregnant again, and lost my baby again, and again.

The fourth time I got pregnant, I was too nervous to get excited. And just as before, a few weeks into the pregnancy I bled yet again. I was just dazed and decided that was it, it was time to give up on this idea of motherhood. I was too emotionally drained to deal with my losses, so I carried on with life. I fell back into my exercise routine in no time, went on my runs and started doing high intensity workouts allowing the adrenalin to block the numbing pain of yet another defeat. I had to make an unplanned doctor’s visit because I felt physically sick, and to our utter surprise I was still pregnant and my baby had a strong heartbeat. I was immediately put on bed rest and fast forward to today, I have my beautiful two year old little miracle — Josiah Ezrael, who never fails to ensure everything in my house is out of place, is always on the quest for my undivided attention, gives me angst by refusing to eat anything I prepare, and swells my heart with a whole other level of love, joy and pride. In Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, we see a poetic depiction of the ebb and flow, the rise and fall, the planting and uprooting that outlines our earthly existence. In these verses, God reveals that time is not a random sequence of events but a meticulously crafted framework designed by Him. Trusting in God’s timing is a crucial part of our faith journey. Often, His timing may not align perfectly with our expectations or the timelines we have set for ourselves, but it is in these times that we are called to surrender our yearnings and trust the One who sees the bigger picture. In my case, while I had given up, I had a battalion in my family and Church community keeping my desire alive with their unwavering faith and prayers.

If you are a parent, there might be times you feel like you are the only person in the world struggling, and the “perfect” world of social media helps to rub it in our faces. But guess what? Everyone is struggling in one way or another — no one really has it figured out, and it is alright. This is when we must learn to trust and depend on God.

Like me, we all get stuck in the routine of life. Our day starts with the alarm clock, prepare meals, off to work, come home to more work, off to bed, repeat. The specifics may be different for each of us, but the result is usually the same — we tend to be so focused on where we are headed, we forget to stop and look back at how far we have come. We miss all the little miracles along the way. We take for granted all the prayers that have actually been answered. Occasionally, something has to happen before we snap out of the routine and are reminded of our blessings.

I write this simple and personal little story to remind myself and anyone who needs to hear it, be patient with God and with yourself. We are often in a hurry when God isn’t. He will use our entire lifetime to prepare us for what He has in store. You may not be where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be — never forget that!

(Tianne Ramona Pereira identifies first as a Catholic daughter, sister, wife and mother. From years in the media industry, she eventually started and continues to run her own businesses while teaching part-time. She has been actively serving in church for as far back as she can remember and is involved in various charities.)