Fallen or Chosen

Aug 02, 2024

Word made Fresh - Nicholas Lye

Have you felt like a failure, think of yourself lesser when compared with others, or find yourself falling short of the ideal you imagine or expect of yourself in life?

When someone shared with me about having once left a religious community, after a period of discernment, and before any vows were taken, it was admitted how much of a failure that felt like, like that of a fallen angel. I could very much relate to that sharing, having also left the priestly path after eight years of seminary formation, and had someone even ask me if it was Satan who tempted me away from the priesthood.

“If I should walk in the valley of darkness, no evil would I fear. You are there with Your crook and Your staff; with these You give me comfort.” (Psalm 23:4)

At a recent Prayer through Sights and Sounds workshop I was conducting, I invited participants to pick from a series of images what might express their “valley of darkness” in this current season of life. For myself, I picked an image of fallen flowers on the ground, depicting how I still do sometimes feel like a ‘fallen angel’, looking with envy at the flowers in ‘high places’ up on a tree, and wondering if I had actually taken the wrong path.

Subsequently, I led the participants through a meditative exercise by closing our eyes and listening to a piece of music to invite the Good Shepherd into our valley of darkness, before drawing whatever inspired images came to our mind. As I brought to mind the image of the fallen flowers, I saw how the fallen flowers were eventually swept up by the wind and landed onto a nearby stream which carried the flowers to many different places, bringing its beauty wherever it went. At some point, someone on a boat noticed the flowers and picked them up, and brought them home for his mother, who gratefully placed one in her hair, and carried the rest in a basket to the market where she started giving out the flowers to others.

Through this, I felt God reminding me that it is because of my ‘fallen’ nature that I get to go places and bring beauty to others in ways that flowers on a tree cannot. In fact, He clarified that I was not fallen, but CHOSEN for this particular kind of work. Indeed, in the last five years of being a lay missionary, I have been privileged to enter spaces I never imagined going into, and minister to people beyond Catholic parishes, whether it be people in Protestant circles, non-Christians in homes or secular organisations, and even Catholics overseas beyond my own diocese.

“Though He was God, He did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, He gave up His divine privileges; He took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being.” (Phil 2:6-7)

It is easy for us to cling on to aspirations of being in high places, whether of a worldly nature or even those considered noble and worthy within the Church, and get disappointed or upset when we find ourselves far away from those places, and even jealous of those who are there. Yet, Jesus Himself did not cling on to His divinity, but humbled Himself in obedience to become one of us on the ground. In the same way, it was only by choosing not to cling on to high worldly aspirations, or even the noble desire of becoming a priest, that I was able to humbly allow God to bring me to places on the ground that I never expected, but where I found myself to be the chosen gift for those He was sending me to.

Perhaps places of rejection are really a redirection of God’s greater plan for us. Perhaps things that do not go our way are opportunities for God to show us a better way more in line with our unique purpose. Perhaps the ‘lowly’ places that we find ourselves in are the very places God desires to be present and loving to His people through us.

In fact, through my own experiences, what may appear as ‘lesser’ or ‘smaller’ in terms of the work we do or the value we bring as compared to people in ‘high places’, may actually mean so much more to the people in such ‘lowly’ places; what may appear as insignificant in the eyes of the world could be of great value to the very persons whom our unique presence and work were meant to bring them.

‘ The leaves are dying,’ said Tiny Dragon. ‘Don’t be sad,’ said Big Panda, ‘Autumn is nature’s way of showing us how beautiful letting go can be.’” (from Big Panda and Tiny Dragon, by James Norbury)

When I can learn to let go and free fall into the loving arms of God Who knows my true value and worth that is not dependent on where I am but who I am in His eyes, then I can trust Him to bring me to the very places where I have been chosen to fulfil a very unique purpose that no one else can replace. For anyone who still feels like a fallen angel or flower, envious of those ‘on top’, may you be affirmed in your chosen nature, wherever you find yourself, and continue to bring God’s beauty, fragrance and love to all you meet on the ground, for that is where Christ is too.

(Nicholas is a lay missionary and creative evangelist who loves to use creativity and various art forms to share the faith and help people encounter God’s truths in a fun and meaningful way.)