Finding reality in a social media world

Sep 27, 2024

A Blessed Life- Tianne Ramona Pereira

It is strange how sometimes we can feel absolutely invisible to the rest of the world that seems to be going on just fine, and at other times we become so selfconscious we feel all eyes are fixed on us scrutinising and judging our every move. We have become a society obsessed with what people think and I believe this has become more factual because of social media. We may have created a generation with higher IQ but lower self-esteem.

I myself have a love-hate relationship with social media. I love binge watching mom hack videos of women who have their act together with home organisation routines, beauty regimes, hour glass figures, creative and organised kids play time, stunningly beautiful tidy homes. May I add doing all this while looking perfectly dolled up, and I find myself hating the sentiment I am often left with, feeling inadequate, messy, overweight, and wishing I had more love, more clothes, more children, more money and just more. It is hilarious I know but I also know I am not the only one.

Everything on social media is just so perfect and flawless, this often makes us feel we are not. Our wits want to believe that everyone else is smooth sailing through life while we face our daily struggles. Remember, people don’t posts their cellulite, undone dishes and relationship brawls (of course some do, but that’s a story for another time). So it’s easy to wonder “Why me? Why does my life suck?”

Not very long ago I received a phone call from someone very dear to me, she said “Tianne, I am getting a divorce.” I almost fell off my seat! This was someone who in my head had the perfect marriage. Their love story was a fairy-tale. In fact from social media I knew they had the most romantic and unforgettable concert experience not very long ago. My mind was still blurry when she went on to say “he cheated…. (long pause)…with a guy.” What?? No! What? You’re joking! No….

To cut the long story short this guy whom we all knew or thought we knew so well, had a whole other secret life. The life portrayed was a far cry from reality. The thing is while on the outside they looked so happy together, they were struggling with this battle internally — but no one knew and no one would have ever guessed. But here’s where social media can have a positive impact — when my friend posted something to hint the situation she was in, she received messages from women she never even knew (friends of friends of friends), women who were in the exact situation but were too ashamed to talk about it and did not know what to do about it. As someone who had not experienced what they had, I was utterly useless in this situation because I could only share a foreign point of view. But when my friend shares with someone of common experience it means they have similar feelings, worries, and in turn can help each other feel less alone, isolated or judged while working together to empower, support and lift each other. I must add here, my dear friend is a real rock star! Her faith in God has been nothing less than admirable. Through all the disappointment, heart ache and hurt, she still walks around with a huge smile on her face, because she knows Jesus loves her and He has her back.

So, am I saying social media is bad? Not at all .. well, yes and no.

We all know there is a wealth of information we can obtain online, even with regards to our faith life. Then there is the part that allows us to stay connected, build relationships with people all around the world. We also know many people who make enough money on these platforms to retire early and others who find the love of their life online. However, it is when we start comparing ourselves to others and start doing things to keep up and when we feel pressured to stay with trends or maintain an online presence that we should hear all the alarm bells in our head go off.

I work with youngsters and almost all of these children use social media by the age of 12. A majority of them are obsessed with the number of interactions and followers they have, and it feels like they place their worth based on these numbers. How sad is this? Like me, they too scroll t h r o u g h their feeds constantly exposed to unrealistic beauty standards, flawless filtered selfies and carefully curated profiles. The difference is I know my identity (and yet I can still feel insecure). But with innocent kids this affects their mental health, their sense of identity and their self-confidence. I cannot stress enough the critical role parents play in shaping their child’s online experience and building their self-worth.

I remember attending the World Communications Day celebration organised by the Archdiocese of Kuala Lumpur, and in his speech, Archbishop Julian Leow said the difference between artificial intelligence and human intelligence is the heart. And I guess it’s the same with social media. If you’re not using it to touch someone’s heart or if others are not touching yours, then we’re probably not using it right.

A post popped up on my feed not too long ago that read “Social media needs to shut down for a year so everyone can get back to reality.” In some ways I couldn’t agree more. We may need a break. We need to renew our association with people, build on our physical relationships, re-evaluate where we place our worth, and start living life - the real life.

I write this article to remind those who need to hear it, don’t forget the true meaning of life. There are many aspects of social media, the good the bad and everything in between, but I wanted to pen my thoughts on the realness of it. Make sure you are happy in life, not just on social media. Your life, your REAL life, is what matters.

Tianne Ramona Pereira identifies first as a Catholic daughter, sister, wife and mother. From years in the media industry, she eventually started and continues to run her own businesses while teaching part-time. She has been actively serving in church for as far back as she can remember and is involved in various charities.