Forgive others as we have been forgiven
In the course of our daily lives, we encounter different kinds of people. Because of this, the way we communicate will depend on the kind of people that we encounter, However, most of the time, the words that we use fall broadly into two categories i.e., those that build up a relationship or words t
Sep 15, 2023
Reflecting on our Sunday Readings with Fr Philip Tay, OCD
24th Sunday of Ordinary Time (A)
Readings: Sirach 27:30 — 28:7;
Romans 14:7-9;
Gospel: Matthew 18:21-35
In the course of our daily lives, we encounter different kinds of people. Because of this, the way we communicate will depend on the kind of people that we encounter, However, most of the time, the words that we use fall broadly into two categories i.e., those that build up a relationship or words that tear them down. In other words, what we say will be either good for the person and for us or it can be harmful for others and ourselves as well. Often times, we find that saying kind and encouraging words is not easy.
Personally, I think there are two words that many people find hard to say — “I am sorry” and “I forgive you”
There will be times in our lives when we find ourselves in situations where we have offended someone but are too proud to ask for forgiveness. Sometimes, this is because we do not feel that we are at fault and it is the other person who should apologise. However, if we are honest with ourselves, we know that often the opposite is true. In the case of forgiveness, or unforgiveness, as taught by Jesus in today’s Gospel, this is even more difficult to do. When someone has hurt us, it is very difficult to forgive that person, especially if what was done to us is very hurtful. This is the question that is asked of Jesus today — how many times must one forgive?
Of course, we know the answer that Jesus gave. The number 70 times seven is not to be taken literally, that once we have reached that number of times we forgive, we stop forgiving. We should not, and must not, take this literally. Jesus meant for us to forgive infinitely.
This leads us to another question — why should I forgive? Shouldn’t the other person ask for forgiveness first? Unfortunately, this kind of reasoning will not do us any favours. We think that by not forgiving the other person and waiting for them to ask for forgiveness, we are punishing them. The sad reality is that we are punishing ourselves. Regarding unforgiveness, there is a saying that “Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” In reality, we are the ones who are slowly dying from the effects of this poison.
Unforgiveness is like a wound within ourselves that cannot be healed and it will just continue to consume us until we succumb to it. Sometimes the other party does not even care if we forgive them or not and, worst of all, this does not bother them.
Unforgiveness is not about letting the other person off the hook. It is about freeing ourselves from the prison that we have checked ourselves into. By not forgiving someone, we intentionally lock ourselves up in prison and throw away the key. The only way to free ourselves from this prison is to forgive. There is no denying that forgiveness is difficult. Sometimes the hurt is too deep and the wound so great that we cannot find the strength to forgive. Unforgiveness will just exacerbate our hurt and we will not be able to come out of this cycle.
I mentioned that unforgiveness does not mean that we let the person off the hook. When we forgive, we also need to let the other person know the hurt that they have caused us. They need to know that their behaviour or their words have hurt us and that they must take responsibility for what they have done.
Forgiveness puts the ball back into their court. Whether or not they apologise or accept our forgiveness is not our concern. The important thing is that we have freed ourselves from prison by this courageous act of forgiving. However, we cannot do this with our own strength. This is where God’s grace comes in to give us that strength. We forgive the other person with the help of God but we do not forget that it was by God’s grace that we are able to forgive.
In the parable in today’s Gospel, Jesus pointed out that, as we have been forgiven ourselves, so too must we learn to forgive others. God forgives us readily for all our sins and transgressions and it would be hypocritical if we do not do the same to those who have hurt us. After all, the Lord’s Prayer puts it very aptly, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Asking forgiveness from God is tied to us forgiving others. Otherwise, we have no right to recite this prayer daily because we are only looking at one side of the equation. Only when the equation is balanced can we achieve peace in our lives.
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