Frowns do not defend marriage
Smiling Pope Francis has brought about a vast change in the way the Catholic Church is regarded by its ordinary members. He has made it seem not just fit for human habitation, but warm and welcoming.
Sep 25, 2014
Smiling Pope Francis has brought about a vast change in the way the Catholic Church is regarded by its ordinary members. He has made it seem not just fit for human habitation, but warm and welcoming. It is becoming clear that he wants to see a similar shift in perception with regard to marriage. Thus when he conducted the wedding of 20 couples in Rome, they had been selected to make a point. Some had been cohabiting, a state which used to be called “living in sin”; some had been married before. Both kinds had children, who were made welcome at a ceremony that the Pope said was realistically representative of modern marriage. Many of the couples expressed surprise and delight that he was eager to preside at their wedding, because their perception of the Church was that it disapproved of anyone who did not live up to its own strict norms.
It is well known in Britain that a high proportion of couples who ask to be married in a Catholic church are already cohabiting, though many of them like to give their parents’ (separate) addresses to spare their own, and perhaps the priest’s, embarrassment. Church rules also require them to attend some marriage preparation classes, when they have already embarked upon that journey in all but name. Pope Francis’ gesture announces to the world that henceforth the Church will address marriage as it really is, not some abstract state of perfection. And that is obviously designed to set the tone for the forthcoming Extraordinary Synod on the Family, the first of two.
Accepting marriage as it is means accepting people as they are, warts and all — and their relationships as they are, stressed, broken, or harmonious and calm.
Those running marriage-preparation courses often encounter individuals who have little idea of what problems the future may bring, and less still of what the Church expects of them. The perception is widespread that in the eyes of the Church, only perfection is good enough. That sets up a great barrier. However, there are Catholic Marriage Preparation courses conducted here to prepare the couples to overcome such barriers and to strengthen both marriage preparation and to provide help to couples when they run into difficulties. But people will not seek that help if all they expect is disapproval.
So the synod next week has to find the ways and means to send a different signal: that marriage is not just for the good and saintly but for the ordinary and average, and that Church teaching on marriage is not just a set of irksome rules and prohibitions but an invitation to share in the deep joy of an intimate, loving relationship with each other and with Christ. Those whose marriages nevertheless fail, must still feel as welcome as ever and receive, not rejection, but support. That turns attention to how the Church treats divorce and remarriage. The present rules can heap further pain on those already wounded and struggling. Similarly, the Church’s official teaching on contraception makes no contribution towards Pope Francis’ goal of making the Church a welcoming and family-friendly place. It is the difference between a smile and a frown. And that difference says it all.
Source: The Tablet
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