Prayer, Community, Netflix and sorts ….

Jun 29, 2024

Here I am - 59 years, Catholic wife, mother of three grown up girls, podcaster, working at a Catholic school (enjoying the benefits of daily Mass whenever I am able), covenanted with the ICPE Covenant Community … and still facing that sporadic, sometimes regular yet probing question - am I really doing God’s will? What if, I constantly ask myself, when I face the Lord, He tells me - I don’t know you…?

I shall let this question remain and echo in my mind, serving as that signpost to keep me on track whenever I let myself be lost.

The Awakening… My born-again journey, which began at my baptism, was renewed when I attended a retreat way back in the 1970s, in a small, quaint French town called Pondicherry. So yes - Je parle Français mais un peu seulement. (I speak French but just a little!) I still stay in touch with my then-and-tothis- day spiritual mentor, Sr Marie Stella, who helped nurture that spiritual flame.

Today, I can honestly admit that my relationship with the Lord, though rocky and bumpy, has led me to experience profound moments in prayer through the years. I am grateful!

What I share here about my journey with the Lord is unique to me and while I do not intend to favour one prayer style over another, I am convinced that each expression, with its own flavour, enriches and leads us to God.

Charismatic Experiences
Having joined the Charismatic Renewal in my mid-teens, I enjoyed the spiritual consolations through worship and mindblowing teachings while operating in the gifts of the Spirit. Frankly, I needed this wake-up call, that spiritual, shattering shake, to take prayer seriously, fall in love with Jesus, over and then over again. For those struggling to pray and read the Bible, renewal groups help nurture this insatiable, innate craving for God.

Mission and Evangelisation
Then came another breakthrough - one that impacted my life and spiritual trajectory - an invitation to attend a School of Mission in New Zealand. Both my husband, Alex and myself, did not hesitate to respond and flew to the luscious, aesthetic and mountainous landscapes of New Zealand with our two young girls, Sacha and Sonia. Was it frightening? Of course it was, but we had the Lord with us and He had our backs!

As part of the training we knocked on doors of lapsed Catholics, visited prisons, did outreaches on streets/ schools, spreading the Gospel. The outreach techniques learnt then, I still use today - praying with individuals – a necessary yet compelling task of evangelisation.

Apologetics and Defending the Teachings of the Church
It was in this season of my life that I was first introduced to Apologetics and took an avid interest in Catholic teachings and Bible typology. This was the pivotal moment where my conviction about Church teachings was established.

Community and Covenant
After nearly three decades with the Mission, I decided, recently, that it was time to make a two-year commitment.

While I believe that serving in ministries is essential, there is the perennial danger of falling into the doing and not living out the call to live authentic and holier lives. In community, I am constantly being invited to live out the being — sustained by fellowship, sharing of life and expressing spirituality through creativity, reflection and prayer.

Today, so many leaders get so busy and entwined with the planning and executing of the many tasks in Church that many forget that it is the Lord we serve and only what He wills is what we should do - nothing more, nothing else!

If only all our Church meetings would start with that regular check in of our spiritual health - where members are given the space to freely share their challenges, we can receive help, support and consolation from them.

Ignatian Spirituality
The mission introduced me to the Ignatian Spirituality and I have since fallen in love with it, especially the silent retreats.

Last December I attended a refreshing sevenday silent retreat in Bangalore. (I strongly recommend these silent retreats for anyone who has the desire to get away from the noise and bustle of city life and be re-charged in God’s Presence.)

These scenic spiritual escapades are the perfect health tonic for our soul and one can be guaranteed a revitalising honeymoon with Jesus and self!

Daily Prayer Rituals
So back to the beginning of my inner turmoil - while I battle my spiritual tardiness - being blasted with the tempting limited series and crime shows on Netflix … I console myself with these thoughts - that I deserve this relaxation and rightfully so…!

However, taming these frivolous inclinations are easier envisioned than accomplished. When I surrender to these baser impulses, I am left a sorry figure and then inadvertently make decisions for the next day’s course of action.

And so, this cycle goes on - quite viciously in fact.

However, one thing is certain - I shall, and will not, give up. And, if all I have to offer is one broken life of failures and stumbles, falls and foibles - then this is what I will present on Judgement Day. The Lord can either take it or leave it! (I live with the hope that He will….)

And, in the meantime, each day, I try my best to reflect, to write in my journal, to paint, to draw, to make notes in my Bible, to review what I have done and then write a review of that review …

In conclusion, I urge us, each day, to strive and become the persons we were designed to be. May the Lord direct us thus!

(Our guest columnist, Joyce Stellus, brings 25 years of teaching experience to her current position at Stella Maris International School. A devoted wife and mother of three grown daughters, she is also a covenanted member of the Institute for World )Evangelisation.