Put love and you will draw out love

Oct 27, 2023

                      Reflecting on our Sunday Readings with Fr George Ho, OCD

30th Sunday of Ordinary Time (A)
Readings: Exodus 22:20-26
1 Thessalonians 1:5-10;
Gospel: Matthew 22:34-40

When C.S. Lewis tried to write his book The Four Loves, he thought to himself that the biblical maxim by St John: “God is love” would provide him with a simple panoramic view through the whole subject. However, during the course of deep reflective writing, he discovered that such a task was not as easy as he had thought it would be. This subject on “love” is surely one of the biggest subjects that Christianity had dwelt upon for centuries. We talk about it, we preach about it, and we try to live it out as much as possible, simply because Jesus Christ has taught us so, that is to love the Lord, our God and also to love our neighbour as ourselves (cfr. Mt. 22:37-39). However, what really is “love” in reality? What is the appropriate way to love and what gives us the strength to love?

In ancient times, as well as in today’s reality, there are at least four types of known “love” which the Greeks have identified: we have affection or familiar love “Storge”, friendship “Philia”, passion or eroticism “Eros”, and last but not least, charity “Agape”. All these loves are relational but the first three sorts of loves are natural in their origin and they are not self-sufficient. They need to be rooted firmly in the love of God, preventing themselves from unwanted “extremes”. So, before I explain that even further, let us look into the three natural loves.

Among the three, we have affection or familiar love “Storge”, which C.S. Lewis noted is an “affection that parents have towards their offspring” or “affection between old friends”. It is the least discriminating and humblest natural love because people whom we normally find unattractive or troublesome are still lovable in this realm. It does not expect too much and it teaches us to appreciate those who happen to be there in our lives. Such love can even ignore the barriers of species. For example, a child and his pet dog, a mother who loves her child regardless of his looks, or the affection between two old friends whose friendship becomes as familiar as family.

As for the second natural love: friendship “Philia”, unlike affection stroge and passion eros, is the least biological, instinctive, and necessary, as humans can rely on their own herd without needing any friends to survive… Meaning, having a friend is a luxury. Therefore, when this love is practised and embraced well in a proper manner, it becomes sublime in nature. So, friendship is built on selection and companionship. It is also exclusive.

The third natural love: passion or eroticism “Eros”, refers to the kind of love which lovers are “in”. In the sense of “being in love” or “loving someone”. Although sexuality may operate as part of Eros or without (C.S. Lewis would prefer to coin “sexuality” with the Greek word “Venus”), the person who is in love, will most likely be preoccupied with the beloved in his or her totality as a person.

Now at this particular moment in time, having only these three natural loves in hand, do you think we can follow our Lord’s commandment fully? Certainly not! If people decide to follow their own natural instinct and their love interest, most likely they are only inclined to help out their own family, kin, tribe, friends, and their own lover. Hence, it is only accurate to say that such loves, without the help of that divine love of God — Charity “Agape” can easily become a subject of selfishness and self-centredness. Imagine for the good of our own kind or love interest, we would try our best to seek and demand things for those whom we love, in turn exploiting others. Chances are we might even be willing to go the extra mile to molest or oppress an alien just to make sure that our kind is well served and pampered; we might even wrong a widow or an orphan because they are not our friends nor are they our own wives nor children (cfr. Ex. 22:20-23). We would treat others without compassion because instinctively speaking, we are no way as compassionate as God!

However, being fashioned by God and sharing in many ways in His likeness, that is being rational and free-willed individuals, some of us through the grace of God, would like to freely, continually, and wholeheartedly seek our “final union” with God. We are not contented living life as it is, but willing to do all things to develop our relationship with God on a deeper level. That is exactly what Christ wants us to do — Charity “Agape”. This love is selfless echoing to the “Hymn of Love” that St Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 13. It is transcendent and, in many ways, unnatural, because it is a love that is not based on one’s emotions but will. This love agape as odd and unnatural as it seems, does not draw those who possess it to favour or respect those who can directly benefit from them, related to or dependent upon them, or love them for the sake of utilitarian value, but it makes them love and care for those who are unlovable, undeserving, and the ugly. It makes people give without asking anything in return, and makes people vulnerable even… just like Christ who gives us everything and all on the cross of nakedness and vulnerability! Yet, that is what Christ wants us to do during that moment in time. He wants us to depend on Him, the One who is our ONLY SUPPORT and SOLACE!

In a conclusion, as Christ’s good disciples, let us love one another with a love that is so great that we all became models for all believers, even in times of great affliction and trials, even in times of those who contract and fail to love us, because just like St John of the Cross would say, “when there is no love, put love, and you will draw out love.” (John of the Cross, Letter 26) May this love ever help you to get closer to God, just like He does to us.