Yes Father – Here I am

Mar 11, 2022

 

“Wow you wrote an article for the HERALD? I didn’t know you were so holy.”

This was one of the comments I received after my first article in January this year. I felt exposed and embarrassed and my first reaction was to WhatsApp the Editor and say that it was a mistake – that I shouldn’t be writing for the HERALD.

After all, I was not qualified enough to write about “God stuff”. I was not good enough. Not Catholic enough. Not worthy enough. But I put the phone away and I paused and thought about why I had said ‘yes’ in the first place. And it boiled down to this, answering His calling.

Here I am Lord - Is it I Lord?
For years since I was a teen, I searched and asked Him to send me a sign, to tell me what my purpose was. “Show me God, what I should do. How I can change the world? How I can make a difference?” I asked repeatedly.

I was waiting for a great sign in the Heavens or some bright shining light like something from the movies (I watch too much TV) but His response has been simple – almost negligible if you weren’t looking or listening closely.

God has spoken to me time and time again in the form of an article a friend randomly forwarded me, through sermons I listen to, in lyrics that I hear or hearing similar words being repeated in random conversations with unrelated people throughout the day.

And then there are the soft promptings, the gentle whispers in my heart that tell me very simply to just say “Yes Father – Here I am” when He calls, trusting that He will be there to help me. Just like when he called Samuel and Moses and everyday people across the centuries, and they answered “Here I am” not knowing what they were in for.

“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love,” said St Teresa of Calcutta. And that’s what He has asked me thus far to do, small little things. Out of the blue, I have sent a text, I have given a call to someone I have not spoken to in a long time, I have given money to random people... This gentle voice or feeling compels me to do what is asked and so I respond and say “Yes Father – Here I am”, may your will be done.

And I truly believe, that sometimes the smallest act or word of encouragement or care, can change someone’s life, think ‘butterfly effect’. So saying ‘yes’ to writing about my faith journey is me saying “Yes Father – Here I am”. So I put aside this feeling of unworthiness and let Him lead me.

Saved by the Cross
When I think about Jesus’s ministry, it was not to save those who were good and righteous, but to save sinners and those who were lost and had gone astray. So perhaps, coming from the perspective of someone born a Catholic, who didn’t regularly finish saying the rosary, someone who misses Mass, someone who sins, was exactly the kind of person that Jesus wanted to use to convey His message of forgiveness, hope and salvation.

This led me to thinking again about being worthy and how many people have stopped going to church because they think and fear that they are unforgivable, that their sins are so bad that surely Jesus can’t forgive them. That they are unworthy to even ask Jesus for help and that they are unfit to enter His house.

The all forgiving God
But our God, is a great God that is truly all forgiving. On that cross on the skull, knowing full well that His time was near and enduring all that heartache, pain, misery and suffering, He continued to forgive. Through his sweat, thirst, blood and tears, He forgave us all on that cross and whatever sin we have committed and every sin that we will commit, He has already forgiven us.

God became man and died for us so that we might have eternal life, so that our unworthiness can melt away leaving us to become worthy sons and daughters of His. You do not need to know everything that’s in the Catechism of the Catholic Church or have read the entire Bible from cover to cover (it’s amazing if you have!), so long as your repent, long for Him and search for Him, know that He will be there to welcome you into His embrace and forgive all your wrongdoings.

This reminds me about one of my favourite stories in the Bible, the story of the prodigal son. The mercy the father shows his son is simply amazing. How do you welcome with open arms and fanfare someone who defies you and hurts you? How do you display such love and grace when your son is ungrateful? And on the flipside, what humility and courage the son had, to admit his mistakes and to be brought down so low, and finally decide to face his fears and return home to his father, not as a son but as a servant.

And lastly, how amazing that Jesus is always there, waiting for unworthy me to return home to Him where He has been patiently waiting all along. What a joy to know that no matter how long or what has happened, I can come back to Him, again and again, and that He is there waiting to make me whole again.

So dear readers, I leave you with these three reminders as we prepare to celebrate His joyous Resurrection:

1) God is near the broken-hearted, those whose spirit is crushed, those who feel unworthy, those who have turned away from Him. Listen to that soft prompting in your heart and make the decision to return to Him today – He is always waiting.

2) Leave your burdens at the foot of the cross for He has risen and has redeemed us making us whole, making us worthy.

3) When He calls, it may take some time and you may be afraid, but always say “Yes Father, Here I am”.

(Joanne Wong is on a journey towards having faith the size of a mustard seed. She is happy to connect and share favourite worship songs or app recommendations. Do email her at [email protected])