Act of service or act of self-pride?

Mar 14, 2025

To be honest - Martin Arul
Growing up in a staunch and fairly rigid Catholic household, one thing was clear to us from a young age — service to the Church came above all else. When my grandparents arrived in Malaya from Ceylon (now Sri Lanka) in 1916, they devoted their lives to serving the church, raising one of their sons to become a priest. This deep commitment to faith was passed down through my father and his siblings, as well as their cousins. Today, this legacy continues across multiple parishes in the Klang Valley, with many of us serving in various ministries — music ministry, Marriage Encounter, altar ladies, sacristans, Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion, and as patrons of the Little Sisters of the Poor.

Over the years, I’ve witnessed my family’s steadfast dedication to serving the church, continually striving to give back for a deeper sense of fulfilment. However, like me, they too encountered challenges and adversity, particularly in dealing with certain individuals within the church while pursuing their mission.

In my case, I stepped away from the music ministry in 2005 at just 17 years old. While college and work commitments provided convenient excuses, few truly understand the deeper, underlying reasons behind my decision.

I began serving in the music ministry of my local church at just four years old, encouraged by my late aunt, who had been a dedicated member of the ministry for many years. My late father and his siblings were also involved in music ministries throughout their youth and young adult lives, eventually transitioning to other roles within the church as they grew older. Naturally, being “inducted” to serve the church was a big deal in our family. I devoted myself passionately to serving the church, as it was the only source of joy in my teenage years. Over time, priests came and went, and requirements and methods evolved, but one constant remained — the people of the church. Amidst the winds of change, they persisted, each serving where they were called, driven by their own unique reasons.

I like to believe that most people serve the church with pure intentions. However, there are times when I find myself wondering, “How did these individuals end up in church service?” While not everyone, the self-righteous behaviour of some can unfortunately ruin the church experience for people like me.

One incident that made me walk away was the shouting at others. We are all here to serve, and while we have an obligation to our roles, we should never be treated as subjects for those in power to dominate. It was during a choir practice leading up to Christmas when the then choir coordinator erupted in anger, screaming at the members and slamming the pews because some were not singing in tempo. It may not have been directed at me specifically, as we were singing as a group, but such behaviour was uncalled for.

I stormed out of the practice, unable to control my emotions, and never returned to the choir. Over the years, I’ve reflected on why I reacted that way, why the coordinator acted as they did, and why church service often feels like a corporate environment — with a boss, managers, and leaders at the top, while those doing the actual work are treated with little care or love, ironically, within the walls of the church.

As I grew older my desire to serve a church has depleted completely. Why you may ask? I have no tolerance for *some* people of the church who think that they are pillars that hold the church together.

Throughout my adult life, I’ve assisted many friends with their weddings across various churches in the Klang Valley, and I can honestly say that about 80 per cent of these experiences were far from pleasant. One thing that stood out was the self-inflated sense of importance some individuals impose on others simply because they manage a particular aspect of the church’s operations. It’s common for people to want to feel important, needed, or to own, pardon my corporate lingo, “a line of business," but at the end of the day, we are dealing with people. Church service is meant to serve others, not for self-glorification.

In all my experience assisting brides with their wedding preparations, every single interfaith partner has asked, “Why is the church doing this?” For example, at a recent wedding, the bride was in a panic just days before the ceremony due to a miscommunication about the flower arrangements. This led to a very unhappy church administrator who raised their voice in frustration. As the Church strives to move forward with inclusion, acceptance, and openness, these actions only serve to slam those doors shut in your face.

While not everyone behaves this way, even one or two incidents can leave a lasting impression and shape people’s opinions of the church. The actions of a few individuals can tarnish the reputation of the entire church, rather than just affecting the individuals involved. Unfortunately, this attitude often drives people away from the church — when some believe that holding a position within the church grants them special privileges or a “fast track” to the Pearly Gates.

As we journey through this Lenten season, let us reflect on how Jesus treated an unchaste woman with dignity and exemplified love, even while hanging on the cross. In reflecting on our own actions, let us ask ourselves: Are we truly following in the footsteps of our Lord, or are we driven by a selfish need for validation, importance, or power? Do our actions reflect the teachings of the Church?

Blessed Lenten season, friends.

(Martin Arul is a believer who questions everything that is wrong, believing that everyone is equal in the eyes of God, and one must live as a Christian more in deeds than in words, outside the conformities of the building of the church.)

The views expressed are entirely the writer’s own.