Nostalgia — a powerful tool in relationships and therapy

Sep 27, 2024

Every time I watch the musical Cats, especially when Grizabella sings Memory as she ascends to the “Heaviside Layer” to be reborn as a new cat, my heart races as my thoughts wander back to the old times when life was energetic, adventurous and glamorous.

Being a cat who fell on hard times after a glamorous past, she finds herself ostracised by her Jelicle peers. Sung at the show’s climax, her lyrics (based on TS Eliot’s poems) strike a chord as she sings about her life and as a plea for acceptance by the other cats.

Memory, all alone in the moonlight
I can dream of the old days
Life was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew
what happiness was
Let the memory live again

Of course, my life is not as desperate as an old cat, but at times, I do wish there is a “Heaviside Layer” that I can walk in and come back as a younger version of myself, renewed to relive the adventures of life all over again. As we navigate the complexities of modern life, a simple memory can transport us back to a time when everything seemed simpler, warmer and more humanly connected. But what if these memories could do more than just comfort us — what if they could heal us?

Nostalgia is more than a simple yearning for past experiences; it is an emotion that encompasses fond memories, important milestones and relationships that shape a person's life. For the elderly, nostalgia often revolves around their childhood, growing up, family life and career accomplishments. And in “madeleine” moments described by French novelist Marcel Proust, related sounds, sights and smells can evoke vivid recollections of joyful moments, bittersweet experiences and even cherished relationships with loved ones.

Nostalgia – its origin
We may be surprised that the word ‘nostalgia’ has its origins in describing severe home sickness. It comes from the Greek words nóstos, meaning “return or homecoming”, and álgos, meaning “pain or suffering”. The term was coined in the late 17th century to describe the anxieties suffered by Swiss soldiers who were longing for their homeland. It was mostly linked to neurotic depression until 1979, when sociologists began to explore its benefits and define it in a more positive way.

The elderly can pass down valuable life lessons, traditions and family stories to the younger generation. For example, reminiscing about cultural experiences, historical events or childhood memories can create a sense of unity and shared identity. This reinforces inter-generational bonding and promotes overall wellbeing.

Therapeutic benefits A therapeutic technique known as reminiscence therapy helps the elderly to recall and share past experiences. This involves discussing personal history, viewing of old photographs and engaging with familiar objects to evoke positive emotions. A systematic review observed that one-hour group reminiscence sessions about hometown could significantly improve the quality of life and life satisfaction among the elderly (https://rb.gy/saqnyy).

Engaging in creative activities, such as journaling, storytelling, playing childhood games (such as five stones or Batu Seremban in Malay) or creating memory albums are some of the therapeutic ways for the elderly to channel their nostalgia. These activities allow them to organise their thoughts, process emotions and preserve memories in a way that is both meaningful and fulfilling.

However, precautions must be taken when engaging in nostalgia. The effect of nostalgia on well-being depends on the natural context in which it is elicited. A study has observed subjects reporting more nostalgic experiences on days when they felt lonely (Frontiers | The Negative Interactive Effects of Nostalgia and Loneliness on Affect in Daily Life (frontiersin.org).

Negative effects of nostalgia
As the Italian poet Dante Alighieri used to say, “There is no greater sorrow than to recall a happy time when miserable”. This shows that nostalgia may reinforce a sense of regret by promoting the feeling of a bleak future, where “the good old days” are gone forever. If we over-rely on nostalgic memories, it can lead to a sense of longing that prevents us from fully engaging with our present lives.

And sometimes, nostalgia can lead to bitterness, anger and vengefulness. People may look back and say “I should be the one who married this guy or girl” or “I should have succeeded in business if he or she hadn’t cheated me”. Or maybe “I have the right to hurt him back for bullying and insulting me”.

Living for today
Reality tells us that we only live once, and we must make the best of life without regret, whatever the outcome. It is important for us to get a grip on reality in our nostalgic reflections. We must learn to acknowledge the past without becoming trapped.

The next time you find yourself reminiscing, don’t just savour the memory — share it. Tell others your stories. Whether with family members, friends or even in a therapeutic setting. Let those memories become a bridge that connects life, strengthens hope and brings healing. Let us head to the nearest kopitiam to chitchat about the good old days over a hearty set of kaya toast and coffee… as long as we remember to get a grip on reality. --Emeritus Professor Ng Kwan Hoong