Parenting in the 21st Century

Dec 03, 2021

By Julie Lim
Catholics@Home podcast recently had a conversation with three guests on parenting in the 21st century. They were Dr Valerie Jaques, a clinical psychologist who has more than 30 years’ experience, and Christopher Teoh and Diana Raj, who have been married for 12 years. They are parents to two boys aged nine and 11 years.

Dr Jaques said, “There is no school that teaches parenting. Parents must go with what they experience as parents. The keyword to parenting is ‘teamwork’ between both parents.”

She commented that the previous generation had a tolerance level that made them more compliant and obedient. However, research shows that that tolerance and the ability to cope with stress and trauma has changed over time. Today’s young people seem to break down faster.

She said that if parents resort too much to old-style parenting methods, their children will break down sooner with illnesses and mental health issues. Parents don’t understand why their children are breaking down, but there are multiple factors. Styles have to change in terms of looking at children today.

“Many parents are not aware that when their child is unwell, the issue may actually stem from them.

“Expectations between parent and child must be aligned. Sometimes as adults, we think we know better, and we impose our expectation on the child. This is what has happened to our education system because children today are living in a toxic education environment. They are overloaded with work and have no room to breathe. I wish we could just stop and go back to relaxing and playing.”

Dr Jaques shared that there are 10-year-old children who tell their parents they can’t sleep because they’re afraid they’re going to die as they can’t cope with their studies.

“We need to find different ways of learning than this formalized way, because children have many different avenues of learning which we didn’t have before. The balance is missing somewhere,” she says.

Diana confessed that being a parent is a struggle, and that oldstyle parenting methods used by the previous generation don’t always work with children these days.

“We must have open communication with our children, not a one-way approach. We also need to understand their culture. It is important to learn the love language of our children which will help to address their issues,” she says.
To view this podcast, go to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSSU84Rz_-4