Reach out, connect and maintain relationships

Apr 19, 2024

Faithfully Speaking - Julie Lim Seet Yin
Recently, I met up with a former college mate whom I’ve not met in person for more than 20 years. After college, we went our separate ways and merely kept in touch through Facebook and Instagram. He regularly uploads his travel photos in social media and I would make comments and ask questions about them. Communication between us was far and rare.

When we finally met up, we spoke for nine hours. We did lunch, and carried on conversing till tea time and then dinner. That was how much we had to share after more than 20 years apart.

When I reflected upon the situation, I realised that before this, neither of us made the effort to meet up. It was until one of us had a spur of the moment motivation to meet up, that we reconnected after all these years.

All of us meet different people in our journey of life. They can be school mates, college mates, colleagues, church friends, family members, people in the same interest groups, etc. But how many of us make the effort to keep in touch with people whom we meet?

Connecting with others
At the office, we tend to do lunch with colleagues within our own department because we have things in common such as the same reporting manager or similar job scope. Some of us prefer to lunch alone, and some prefer to eat with colleagues whom they can gain something from such as information or advice.
In order to expand our connection to a wider group of co-workers, we need to do lunch with colleagues from outside our regular circle.

I remember at the end of a training session; the trainer gave us participants a post-training task of doing lunch with a colleague whom we had not eaten with before. After completing the task, we had to write a short sharing on the experience and send it to our reporting manager.

A couple of months ago, the company that I work for had an initiative to encourage staff to get to know one another on a deeper level. In this initiative, the heads of departments were given a budget to organise lunch with their staff members. However, in order to reimburse the lunch expenses, they would need to invite staff from other departments. That was a great initiative to encourage staff to get to know one another on a deeper level. The outcome is that work tended to become easier when we work with colleagues whom we know well and whom we are comfortable with.

Maintaining the connection
Nurturing and maintaining relationships requires effort from both parties. Whether it is a friendship, a marriage, a parent-child relationship or even a working relationship with colleagues, it requires effort to sustain the relationship. When one party doesn’t make the effort to remain connected, the relationship will begin to weaken and perhaps dissolve for good.

Many times, I had sent messages to friends and relatives whom I’d not heard from for a long time, just to see how they were doing. However, I soon stopped when I didn’t receive any reply. Both parties must make the effort to remain connected.

I’ve had ex-colleagues who confessed that they find it difficult to maintain a connection with colleagues who have left the company. In such cases, the ex-colleagues become a memory. Perhaps the only updates about their life that we see is what they upload to social media. Nevertheless, I have ex-colleagues and even schoolmates who turned into lifelong friends.

Connecting in parishes and ministries
When we attend church activities or Mass, the words “Communion”, “Participation” and “Mission are mentioned regularly and drummed into our minds. As a people of God, we are called to be in communion with one another, to participate in the life of the Church and to journey together in mission. The main ingredient for the success of the “campaign” is connection. We must connect and maintain that connection.

However, this is not the case for everyone. I’ve met people who keep to themselves and tend not to mix around. I see regular faces attending Mass every week without speaking to anyone. After Mass they rush off without saying anything to anyone, not even a simple, “Hi.” They may have their reasons for not mixing with their fellow Catholics. And perhaps I need to be the first person to reach out to them.

Conclusion
No man (or woman) is an island because we all live connected to one another. To form new friendships, let me be the first to reach out and connect with the other person. However, the challenge is to maintain the relationship, just like a wise person once said, “Maintaining relationships is more important than making them.”

(Julie Lim Seet Yin believes that a satisfied life measured by one’s heart, mind and soul is better than a successful life measured by worldly yardsticks.)