The silent wife
To be fair, the congregation at the wedding, including the bride and groom, had no issues with the reading, (aunties and uncles were probably even proud), so this is just the rant of a wayward Catholic woman!
Jan 17, 2025

On the Fence - Jacelyn Johnson
I was involved in a family wedding recently, and as far as weddings go, it was a beautiful ceremony that united two beautiful people whom I absolutely love. In the days leading up to the wedding, I was tasked with proofreading the prepared wedding booklet and was rather befuddled with the first reading. My question was why this reading, or rather Bible passage, would be part of readings selected for weddings. But I did not kick up a fuss.
A week before the wedding, over breakfast at our local Klang mamak, my little cousin, (maybe not so little, she’s eighteen now), who was enlisted to do the first reading, suddenly blurted out, complete with some massive eye-rolling, "but I’m not reading one line in that reading - ‘a silent wife is a gift from God.’" I laughed out loud, but inwardly I was so proud of that little girl.
The reading from Ecclesiasticus [Sirach] 26:1-4, 13-16, ‘A silent wife is a gift from the Lord, no price can be put on a well-trained character’ certainly makes taking a wife sound like getting a prized cow, or a horse perhaps - the way I read it at least (out of context of course). I mean come on; do men these days really want a well-trained woman who does not have an opinion? I don’t think such women even exist, not in my world at least. Any well-trained woman would have a lot to say about a lot of things, if not everything!
Well, I am not one of those who are capable of keeping silent, clearly not God’s gift to men, so I discussed this with my little group of Catholic enthusiasts, and we all agreed the Bible needs an update, or a rewrite, while the priest in the group contributed that this was written in a time where the silence of a woman was a noble thing.
Fair play, as the Bible also attributes loud women to being wayward and undignified, so it was a thing in the past, when women had no say. But how do we then interpret the Bible, or the said silent woman passage in this day and age? If there is no justifiable interpretation, the passage should be removed from at least wedding readings.
While I only stressed on the silent wife bit, the whole reading is in fact a little degrading to women these days:
Like the sun rising is the beauty of a good
wife in her well-kept house.
Happy the husband of a really good wife;
the number of his days will be doubled.
A perfect wife is the joy of her husband, he
will live out the years of his life in peace.
A good wife is the best of portions,
reserved for those who fear the Lord; rich or
poor, they will be glad of heart, cheerful of
face, whatever the season.
The grace of a wife will
charm her husband, her
accomplishments will make
him stronger.
A silent wife is a gift from the
Lord, no price can be put on a
well-trained character.
A modest wife is a boon
twice over, a chaste character
cannot be weighed on scales.
Like the sun rising over the
mountains of the Lord is the
beauty of a good wife in a wellkept
house
While I do need a well-kept house, it is not solely the responsibility of the wife. A well-kept house is a shared responsibility. The reading starts with ‘Happy the husband of a good wife, for his days will be doubled.’ Firstly, what encompasses a good and perfect wife? Must she be silent and constantly cheerful to be a good wife? Secondly, will the wife’s days ever be doubled? What is the standard for a good husband? And will the wife’s days be doubled if she finds a good husband (presumably he shouldn't be silent, since communication is key)?
Several wedding readings in fact essentially state that a “good wife” basically just needs to be a chaste housekeeper, with her mouth shut, while constantly portraying a cheerful disposition, with grace and utmost modesty, while being completely subservient to her husband and then bear fruits of olives. I thank God (and my parents) every day that I was not brought up to be such a woman, and my husband, who would not have married me if I was such a woman.
I am pretty sure everyone reading this would agree with where I am coming from, and yes, we all acknowledge that the Old Testament readings do not apply to us much anymore, it is just historical stories, and no one should be held to those standards of expectations as we hit 2025. But for as long as those passages are choices for a wedding, it will be, or can be, an option for whoever prepares the booklet, and I imagine it can be the fan favourite of all mothers-in-law, as they dictate the perfect “good wife” for their sons.
To be fair, the congregation at the wedding, including the bride and groom, had no issues with the reading, (aunties and uncles were probably even proud), so this is just the rant of a wayward Catholic woman! And my point being, since communication is key in a marriage, silence and words should be shared responsibility, not one party’s job.
Jacelyn Johnson enjoys the occasional religious discourse and says it as it is, in an attempt to diffuse stereotypical observations.
(The views expressed are entirely the writer’s own.)
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